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Towing Companies are the Minions of Satan

Who else got their $33 snow-emergency ticket last night? At least it’s better than the extreme fee that’s charged when they load your vehicle onto their cursed flatbed. Thank god the neighbors gave us a call and warned us while the “cop” was issuing tickets. Some free beer is in order for them. At least they saved me from decending into the 7th ring of hell where the evil little man lives that scowls and hisses at you while you pay cash to get you vehicle back from impound.

I know how all that works from first hand experience. At the stroke of midnight, tow trucks appear everywhere in the streets from satanic wormholes. People obliviously sipping their beer in bars are completely unaware of the dance of flashing lights and pulling chains outside. Only to walk out around midnight and wonder where in the hell (literally) there cars may have ended up. Then the additional taxi cost to the impound pit itself. Only to be told that if you want your car back, it’s anywhere from another $150 to $250, along with the ticket to the city.

How in the hell does that work? When my car breaks down on the highway (again first hand experience), the towing company only charges $80 to haul the thing for miles back to the cities. How is it justifiable to more than double the price just for snow emergency eve when the distance is nearly a tenth of the miles? That’s one hell of a racket if I’ve ever seen one. No wonder those damn trucks have shiny new paint jobs every year.

And what about the people down the street who hardly speak english and like me, can’t afford a charge like that on the spot. By the time they figure out what happened to their car, it’s been auctioned of at the city impound. Completely heartless. Obviously run by the blackest of evils.

Rest assured that towing companies are at the top of my shit-list.