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GoogleThe Rules of Sid
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- Ham and/or Meatballs are the best substances on earth. They must be inhaled immediately until no further trace remains.
- The white creature known as “the cat” must go up the stairs.
- The back yard territory must be checked and re-marked on a schedule of at least once every fifteen minutes.
- Tolerance of the small pink monkey known as “Mira” is required for now. Revenge shall be mine when I’ve grown bigger.
- Chew on things only when the pink monkeys aren’t watching. Otherwise chew on sanctioned toys only.
- Chewing on “the cat” is okay if no one is looking.
- Chewing on my own genitalia is comforting and necessary for proper function.
- Any movement outside must be brought to the attention of the pink monkeys by barking. This includes squirrels, birds, leaves, the neighbor and my own poo piles.
- Anything found on the floor is edible and should be consumed before the pink monkeys discover it.
- The “tail” is my nemesis and shall be destroyed once I catch it.
- When the pink monkeys say, “Sid, no! Bad dog.” It means try again — harder.
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