Have you heard this one yet?
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
“I would do *anything* to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully
into his eyes.“I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…*anything*.”
He returns her gaze. “Anything?”
“*Anything*.”
His voice softens. “*Anything*??”
“*Anything*.” read more »
A teacher asks her class, “If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Johnny. “None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking.” Then little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, “Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
“The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on… but I like your thinking.”
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl, “Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.”
St. Peter says, “OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?”
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well once I fondled and stroked one.”
St. Peter says, “OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, “Lisa! What seems to be the rush?”
The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her ass in it.”
My camera is fancy and takes cool pics of you and all kinds of stuff. Look for your captured likeness in my gallery and peek at other victims of the camera’s flash.
By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
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