 Work BBQDate: 07/02/2008 |
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In case you haven’t seen this one pop up at the right:
“You shouldn’t let children mix the martinis. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.”
— Fran Lebowitz
And pugs neither for that matter…
Alright, I’m gonna blatantly rip this off — cause it’s that damn clever.
May I present my new business card:
| USED CARS — LAND — WHISKEY — MANURE — NAILS FLY SWATTERS — RACING FORMS — BONGOS |
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| GOOBERTECH ENTERPRISES Un-Ltd. R. P. FUCHS, President |
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| Wars Fought Revolutions Started Assassinations Plotted Governments Run Uprisings Quelled |
Stud Service Tigers Tamed Bars Emptied Computers Verified Orgies Organized |
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As the “Manfort Deluxe” that Sid and I inhabit slowly evolves into “Swank Central”, it’s abundantly clear Sid will require one of these. ——>
No worries — this crucial detail has become top priority!
The Onion can be so damn clever sometimes. I just stumbled across the Smoove B’s boudoir and clearly he is the master ladies man. Take note guys, and
Smoove B will guide you along the way of pleasing your most special lady.
To the ladies, this message is for you. You know who you are.
First and foremost, I would like to take this time to personally thank every woman, girl, and lady who is reading this. Just taking the time to read this shows that you are a female of class and distinction who knows what she wants and how she wants to be treated. I have no doubt that most of you are fine, as well.
Ladies, you are most special to me, and to prove your special-ness, I would like to take you out for an eventful evening that we will enjoy to the very heights of ecstasy. It will be a night you will not forget, nor will it be a night you wish to forget.
Here, ladies, is how the night shall go.
There’s so much on the Smoove’s site, read all you can and don’t miss a morsel. The classiness may be overwhelming but it’s definitely worthwhile. Case in point…
…However, instead of the passionate lovemaking we had in the dining room, this time the lovemaking will be slow and erotic. I will say things like, “Ladies, you turn me on like no one ever has before” and “Your hair smells like sweet jasmine” and also “Mmmm, I love being inside you.” No other man has ever made love to you like this before, and you will feel very special. You will also repeat my name, “Smoove…Smoove,” a hundred times, because I am the one who is making you crazy with desire.
The next morning will also be filled with tempting delights, in the way of breakfast, coffee, and early morning lovemaking.
Thank you for reading.
Now — stay up to date be becoming his special Myspace friend. You’ll learn useful skills such as “How to prepare Lobster Tail” and “How to regulate a ho.”
My camera is fancy and takes cool pics of you and all kinds of stuff. Look for your captured likeness in my gallery and peek at other victims of the camera’s flash.
Although the time of death is approaching me, I am not afraid of dying and going to Hell or (what would be considerably worse) going to the popularized version of Heaven. I expect death to be nothingness and, for removing me from all possible fears of death, I am thankful to atheism.
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