The Most Interesting Man in the World seeks assistant, will it be Mr. Whaley?

December 1st, 2008

You may or not be aware of the Dos Equis contest for placing an assistant to the Most Interesting Man in the World. Our common friend, Chris Whaley, has risen through the ranks of competitors to the lofty position of one in ten nominees. Seriously folks, that's out of a pool of more than 9000 -- he's managed to convince enough people that he's interesting enough for this lofty position.

Go read his online profile and submit to clever tidbits such as this:

CURRENT OCCUPATION:
It's not so much an occupation as a little game I like to play: I call it "Keep Alive". It involves constantly redistributing debt over a variety of credit accounts and eating sushi on Tuesdays....

or:

UNIQUE QUALIFICATIONS:
As mindful locuteur of the Most Interesting Man in the World, I would be sure to keep my public statements to a minimum - both to preserve your mystique and avoid any unnecessary scuffles with pretenders to that honorable title....

Chris needs your vote. Do it now. Read on for simple and easy to follow instructions from Chris himself. read more »

10 things I learned over the weekend...

November 17th, 2008

  1. Although there are many ways to prepare delicious bacon. Some work better than others. If it's in the oven, make sure the grease is contained and doesn't continuously drip into the fire and smoke out your entire party. Bacon Smog!
  2. On that note -- 4 pounds of bacon consumed in one day is just fine with me. :)
  3. Fried cheese really only works well with this variety. Fried cheddar -- not so nice.
  4. No need to bowl at the bowling alley so long as you sneak in your own booze. Hint -- bring girls who can hide contraband in their bottomless purses. ;)
  5. Rock Band works better under the influence of alcohol. Even Bon Jovi schools me until I've been re-energized by the Power of Beer which unleashes my secret gaming powers.
  6. Brunch is good any day at any time. 3 times in one weekend is not too many.
  7. Petron is clearly evil and brewed in hell. But oh so tasty... I'm sure I've yet to learn my lesson here.
  8. Pear Martinis are equally dangerous and taste a little too much like pear juice and not quite enough like vodka. Mmmm... arghghgrh... Disaronno and Pear Vodka...
  9. Pugs make good bacon degreasers. Lick away Sid...
  10. White Russians are way more tasty if sipped while quoting The Dude. (I'd imagine wearing a bathrobe would help too.)

The World's Shortest Fairytale

October 28th, 2008

I saw this and lol'd. I think this may be my new philosophy for life:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "NO!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END

Waking up is hard to do

October 3rd, 2008

This made me chuckle...


Things you're glad to wake up to: Things you're not glad to wake up to:
  • Surprise Sex
  • Smell of Bacon
  • Surprise
  • Roommate Sex
  • Sunshine
  • Alarm Clock
  • Surprise Buttsex
  • Telephone Call from Grandma
  • Smell of Vomit
  • Taste of Vomit
  • Surprise Roommate Buttsex

From the College Skill Set.

King of Bachelor Wisdom

September 12th, 2008


Awesomeness -- currently if you google "bachelor wisdom", I'm number one. :) Woot! Clearly the world has recognized my extraordinary knowledge and is paying homage.

And on a related note, today I got a small surprise in the mail as part of my Bachelor Pad Magazine subscription. Femme Fatale trading cards. :) Nice 4x6 postcard size too, with a luscious photo on one side and critical stats on the flip. Super Bonus! Get yours today.

Here's a coupla samples:

Conversion from Manfort to Lounge continues...

August 7th, 2008

Major progress on the lounge conversion here at the Manfort tonight as I install the new hanging glassware shelf. Thanks to an awesome birthday, I now have lotsa new beverage holders. :) And bar accoutrements.

A quick trip to Home Depot to pick up another shelf, some chain, and a few hooks and the hanging glassware shelf is complete. The hangers are from Fantes.

Don't let the children mix martinis.

April 14th, 2008

In case you haven't seen this one pop up at the right:

"You shouldn't let children mix the martinis. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth."

— Fran Lebowitz

And pugs neither for that matter...

Best Business Card Ever!

April 11th, 2008

Alright, I'm gonna blatantly rip this off -- cause it's that damn clever.

May I present my new business card:

USED CARS -- LAND -- WHISKEY -- MANURE -- NAILS
FLY SWATTERS -- RACING FORMS -- BONGOS
GOOBERTECH ENTERPRISES Un-Ltd.
R. P. FUCHS, President
Wars Fought
Revolutions Started
Assassinations Plotted
Governments Run
Uprisings Quelled
Stud Service
Tigers Tamed
Bars Emptied
Computers Verified
Orgies Organized

Swanky Sid

December 12th, 2007

As the "Manfort Deluxe" that Sid and I inhabit slowly evolves into "Swank Central", it's abundantly clear Sid will require one of these. ---->

  • Stocked Bar -- check
  • Copies of Bachelor Pad Magazine -- check
  • Pipes and smoking jacket -- check
  • Lots of stylin' and unnecessary lights -- check
  • Fez hat for pug -- not check (yet)

No worries -- this crucial detail has become top priority!

Smoove B - the Ladies Man

July 23rd, 2007

The Onion can be so damn clever sometimes. I just stumbled across the Smoove B's boudoir and clearly he is the master ladies man. Take note guys, and
Smoove B will guide you along the way of pleasing your most special lady.

To the ladies, this message is for you. You know who you are.

First and foremost, I would like to take this time to personally thank every woman, girl, and lady who is reading this. Just taking the time to read this shows that you are a female of class and distinction who knows what she wants and how she wants to be treated. I have no doubt that most of you are fine, as well.

Ladies, you are most special to me, and to prove your special-ness, I would like to take you out for an eventful evening that we will enjoy to the very heights of ecstasy. It will be a night you will not forget, nor will it be a night you wish to forget.

Here, ladies, is how the night shall go.

read more...

There's so much on the Smoove's site, read all you can and don't miss a morsel. The classiness may be overwhelming but it's definitely worthwhile. Case in point...

...However, instead of the passionate lovemaking we had in the dining room, this time the lovemaking will be slow and erotic. I will say things like, "Ladies, you turn me on like no one ever has before" and "Your hair smells like sweet jasmine" and also "Mmmm, I love being inside you." No other man has ever made love to you like this before, and you will feel very special. You will also repeat my name, "Smoove...Smoove," a hundred times, because I am the one who is making you crazy with desire.

The next morning will also be filled with tempting delights, in the way of breakfast, coffee, and early morning lovemaking.

Thank you for reading.

Now -- stay up to date be becoming his special Myspace friend. You'll learn useful skills such as "How to prepare Lobster Tail" and "How to regulate a ho."