Subnormality delivers the goods - oh wait...

I enjoy many webcomics, but this is my new favorite. Surreal, disturbing, and brilliant. Right in my vein. :) Consider:

- click to enlarge -

From Virus Comix

This creature died from lack of common dignity.

or why there is no Loch Ness Monster…

It is little wonder, then, why this great creature failed to continue its lineage: with no ears, it could not sustain a top hat upon its head, and thereby expired from lack of common dignity.

Guido, Douchebag, or Oompa Loompa? All three, I think.

All kinds of sites are making fun of these New Jersey guys. Apparently, these orangies are taking over the Jersey club scene. Thank Jeebis that’s far away from Minneapolis. One would think that homeland security wouldn’t let these guys on a plane being suspicious that they’re not in fact the same species.

I can’t resist jumping on this wagon — they’re so incredibly ridiculous. Even Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer had better fashion sense. At least they wouldn’t be camouflaged in a pumpkin patch.

It also goes along with the striped shirt phenomenom. Unfortunately we do have that in Minnesota. But at least it makes douchebags easier to spot. If you’re a lady, please read these visual clues below so you know what to avoid. read more »

Cheeseburger in a Can

This is just so wrong. Spam is barely a food product and its generic twin “Treet Meat” (note the fun spelling) is even nastier. But this takes canned meat to a new low. Like gawking at highway gore, I have to admit a curiosity of what the glop inside must look like. But on further thought, I think I’m glad we don’t know.

According to the German company that creates this monstrosity, it’s meant as an easy camping treat. I don’t know about you, but if I were that hungry in the woods, I’d rather pull a Man-vs-Wild and bite the back end out of a raw trout. Even big juicy grubs would start looking edible after pondering the contents lurking in this kraut-can.

It is, however, prime fodder for the Steve — don’t eat it experiment. How bad can it be after surviving Potted Meat Food Product and Beggin’ Strips? I’ll suggest it to him and let Steve find out.

Drama in the Land of Porn

Drama in the Land of Porn:
Well I’ve got my hands on the writhing serpent and now I’m all wet — care to join me?”
“Join you? It’s a fucking snake — get it away from me, you mad bitch!”

More cleverness from Monkey Fluids

Naughty Word in Scrabble Jumble

Found amongst Hasbro’s scrabble grams.

I didn’t unscramble E U T T S X B as “subtext” either. ;-)

I Can Has Sweet Potato?

Here’s another bit of found internet gold. It’s only too easy to imagine this is a conversation between Sid and I. Go ahead, have a chuckle:

You know, a lot of times I write up random posts and then don’t post them. But Best Beloved just called me, and I could not really explain why I was inarticulate about sweet potatoes, so I said I’d go ahead and post this. That way, she can read it at work and know just what kind of day it has been. (Short version, for those who do not feel like reading the whole post: ARRRRRRG. Fucking sweet potatoes.)

The longer version, summarized in conversation form:

Dog: I am starving.
Me: Actually, no. You aren’t starving. You get two very good meals a day. And treats. And Best Beloved fed you extra food while I was gone.
Dog: STARVING.
Me: I saw you get fed not four hours ago! You are not starving.
Dog: Pity me, a sad and tragic creature, for I can barely walk, I am so starving. WOE.
Me: I am now ignoring you.
Dog: STARVING.
Dog: Did you hear me? I am starving.
Dog: Are you seriously ignoring me? Fine.

[There is a pause, during which the dog exits the room in a pointed manner.]

[From the kitchen, there comes a noise like someone is eating a baseball bat.] read more »

It's me! Every girl ever.

I don’t know who wrote this, but it’s brilliant. Who hasn’t had at least one date like this at some point. From the best of craigslist.

It’s me! Every girl ever.
Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST

Knock knock

Oh hi, how’s it going? It’s me! Every girl ever. I’m really looking forward to this date. I’m not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met, the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in. read more »

Ultimate Beer Temperature Measurement System

Okay — get over the whole boobies-business. Let’s pretend for the moment that we’re civilized and live in Europe.

With the dawn of the new home-bar, I’m thinking I need one of these installed to make sure my Rauschbier is ready for drinking.

To be scientific about it, one should probably have a chart on the wall for comparison, too. ;) (And of course said chart will require some more online research.)

fyi — (NSFW)

read more »

Internet Treats

Since I’ve been backed up a bit lately — here’s a clever assortment of internet eye-candy to peek at. Click away…