internet goodie

The best revenge is giving them crabs.

goobermaster — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 00:14:38 -0500

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha… Too funny! I love all the text copy, brilliant satire. :)

Visit the give them revenge crabs website to learn more…

Hold a Meeting!

goobermaster — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:38:18 -0500

I just sat through one but I didn’t get to point with a stick or eat donuts. :(

Naked Rollerblading Rodeo

goobermaster — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:39:39 -0500

Who wants to go rollerblading this weekend?
I’ll bring the hat and rope. ;)

I do think knee and elbow pads might help a bit, though, don’t you think?

Ha — I love it, who comes up with these things. :)

Subnormality delivers the goods - oh wait...

goobermaster — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:50:49 -0500

I enjoy many webcomics, but this is my new favorite. Surreal, disturbing, and brilliant. Right in my vein. :) Consider:

- click to enlarge -

From Virus Comix

This creature died from lack of common dignity.

goobermaster — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 15:31:25 -0600

or why there is no Loch Ness Monster…

It is little wonder, then, why this great creature failed to continue its lineage: with no ears, it could not sustain a top hat upon its head, and thereby expired from lack of common dignity.

Guido, Douchebag, or Oompa Loompa? All three, I think.

goobermaster — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:30:52 -0600

All kinds of sites are making fun of these New Jersey guys. Apparently, these orangies are taking over the Jersey club scene. Thank Jeebis that’s far away from Minneapolis. One would think that homeland security wouldn’t let these guys on a plane being suspicious that they’re not in fact the same species.

I can’t resist jumping on this wagon — they’re so incredibly ridiculous. Even Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer had better fashion sense. At least they wouldn’t be camouflaged in a pumpkin patch.

It also goes along with the striped shirt phenomenom. Unfortunately we do have that in Minnesota. But at least it makes douchebags easier to spot. If you’re a lady, please read these visual clues below so you know what to avoid. read more »

Cheeseburger in a Can

goobermaster — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 15:55:31 -0600

This is just so wrong. Spam is barely a food product and its generic twin “Treet Meat” (note the fun spelling) is even nastier. But this takes canned meat to a new low. Like gawking at highway gore, I have to admit a curiosity of what the glop inside must look like. But on further thought, I think I’m glad we don’t know.

According to the German company that creates this monstrosity, it’s meant as an easy camping treat. I don’t know about you, but if I were that hungry in the woods, I’d rather pull a Man-vs-Wild and bite the back end out of a raw trout. Even big juicy grubs would start looking edible after pondering the contents lurking in this kraut-can.

It is, however, prime fodder for the Steve — don’t eat it experiment. How bad can it be after surviving Potted Meat Food Product and Beggin’ Strips? I’ll suggest it to him and let Steve find out.

Drama in the Land of Porn

goobermaster — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:23:31 -0600

Drama in the Land of Porn:
Well I’ve got my hands on the writhing serpent and now I’m all wet — care to join me?”
“Join you? It’s a fucking snake — get it away from me, you mad bitch!”

More cleverness from Monkey Fluids

Naughty Word in Scrabble Jumble

goobermaster — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 08:57:41 -0600

Found amongst Hasbro’s scrabble grams.

I didn’t unscramble E U T T S X B as “subtext” either. ;-)

I Can Has Sweet Potato?

goobermaster — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 17:31:54 -0600

Here’s another bit of found internet gold. It’s only too easy to imagine this is a conversation between Sid and I. Go ahead, have a chuckle:

You know, a lot of times I write up random posts and then don’t post them. But Best Beloved just called me, and I could not really explain why I was inarticulate about sweet potatoes, so I said I’d go ahead and post this. That way, she can read it at work and know just what kind of day it has been. (Short version, for those who do not feel like reading the whole post: ARRRRRRG. Fucking sweet potatoes.)

The longer version, summarized in conversation form:

Dog: I am starving.
Me: Actually, no. You aren’t starving. You get two very good meals a day. And treats. And Best Beloved fed you extra food while I was gone.
Dog: STARVING.
Me: I saw you get fed not four hours ago! You are not starving.
Dog: Pity me, a sad and tragic creature, for I can barely walk, I am so starving. WOE.
Me: I am now ignoring you.
Dog: STARVING.
Dog: Did you hear me? I am starving.
Dog: Are you seriously ignoring me? Fine.

[There is a pause, during which the dog exits the room in a pointed manner.]

[From the kitchen, there comes a noise like someone is eating a baseball bat.] read more »