"I'm swamped!"

Yesterday’s Pearls before Swine seems a little too relevant…

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From Pearls before Swine

Subnormality delivers the goods - oh wait...

I enjoy many webcomics, but this is my new favorite. Surreal, disturbing, and brilliant. Right in my vein. :) Consider:

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From Virus Comix

Best Business Card Ever!

Alright, I’m gonna blatantly rip this off — cause it’s that damn clever.

May I present my new business card:

USED CARS — LAND — WHISKEY — MANURE — NAILS FLY SWATTERS — RACING FORMS — BONGOS
GOOBERTECH ENTERPRISES Un-Ltd. R. P. FUCHS, President
Wars Fought Revolutions Started Assassinations Plotted Governments Run Uprisings Quelled	Stud Service Tigers Tamed Bars Emptied Computers Verified Orgies Organized

Team Zissou ~ MN, Freshwater Chapter

Okay — this is just brilliant. I loved the Life Aquatic movie and had no idea we had a local chapter of the Zissou society. I think I may have to inquire about this unpaid internship.

“But I want to be on the A-squad!”

Learn more here.

This creature died from lack of common dignity.

or why there is no Loch Ness Monster…

It is little wonder, then, why this great creature failed to continue its lineage: with no ears, it could not sustain a top hat upon its head, and thereby expired from lack of common dignity.

Drama in the Land of Porn

Drama in the Land of Porn:
Well I’ve got my hands on the writhing serpent and now I’m all wet — care to join me?”
“Join you? It’s a fucking snake — get it away from me, you mad bitch!”

More cleverness from Monkey Fluids

Naughty Word in Scrabble Jumble

Found amongst Hasbro’s scrabble grams.

I didn’t unscramble E U T T S X B as “subtext” either. ;-)

I Can Has Sweet Potato?

Here’s another bit of found internet gold. It’s only too easy to imagine this is a conversation between Sid and I. Go ahead, have a chuckle:

You know, a lot of times I write up random posts and then don’t post them. But Best Beloved just called me, and I could not really explain why I was inarticulate about sweet potatoes, so I said I’d go ahead and post this. That way, she can read it at work and know just what kind of day it has been. (Short version, for those who do not feel like reading the whole post: ARRRRRRG. Fucking sweet potatoes.)

The longer version, summarized in conversation form:

Dog: I am starving.
Me: Actually, no. You aren’t starving. You get two very good meals a day. And treats. And Best Beloved fed you extra food while I was gone.
Dog: STARVING.
Me: I saw you get fed not four hours ago! You are not starving.
Dog: Pity me, a sad and tragic creature, for I can barely walk, I am so starving. WOE.
Me: I am now ignoring you.
Dog: STARVING.
Dog: Did you hear me? I am starving.
Dog: Are you seriously ignoring me? Fine.

[There is a pause, during which the dog exits the room in a pointed manner.]

[From the kitchen, there comes a noise like someone is eating a baseball bat.] read more »

Ultimate Beer Temperature Measurement System

Okay — get over the whole boobies-business. Let’s pretend for the moment that we’re civilized and live in Europe.

With the dawn of the new home-bar, I’m thinking I need one of these installed to make sure my Rauschbier is ready for drinking.

To be scientific about it, one should probably have a chart on the wall for comparison, too. ;) (And of course said chart will require some more online research.)

fyi — (NSFW)

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Internet Treats

Since I’ve been backed up a bit lately — here’s a clever assortment of internet eye-candy to peek at. Click away…